Its a well known fact in technology circles that every webpage worth its salt will have a glossary (I have totally made this fact up) so I think my blog ought to have one too.
As things pop into my head I will add them on here, just so that your can try to decipher some of the nonsense that I talk about.
I am quite organised about some things, like my desk at work or the spices in my cupboard which are arranged facing forward in alphabetical order, so I’ll do the same here, just because I can.
Some of the phrases I use will be based on the names of real people but if I you have done something so noteworthy as to have your name turned into a verb, you really can’t complain about that.
Fayass (noun): The unofficial Irish spelling of the word face. As in “your fayass isn’t even beautiful”.
Flashflood (noun): A high speed wee that it is not physically possible to predict, prevent or divert.
Hopkins (verb, “to do a Hopkins”):
I worked in an office in Manchester many moons ago and there was a chap there called Hopkins. He kept himself to himself (very much like my good self, I’m shy and retiring). Anyway, one day he got up from his desk without any announcement or fuss and walked out of the door. We all presumed he was going for lunch. Hours later he wasn’t back and people started wondering where he’d got to. On checking his desk, a note was found which said something along the lines of “I’ve had enough of this place, I can’t take it any more, I’m off”. The note was written in blood (or poo, I can’t remember which)*.
Fast forward a year later and I’m working in a different office in a different town. In walks Hopkins, the new recruit. A week or so later he pops out to drop off some documents down the road, never to return. Another note found along the lines of “I’ve had enough, I’m out of here”, this time written in poo, definitely**.
So “doing a Hopkins” is getting up and walking out in a fit of silent madness. Leaving a note is optional.
Poonami (noun): A tsunami of poo, usually leaving tidemarks up to the neck area (of both baby and parent).
Shirley (verb, “to Shirley” or “to be shirlied”):
I went to school with Shirley. He was a top lad, we had a great laugh together in science class. We went to different colleges so it was about five years after leaving school that I saw him again in a pub. We started chatting and catching up, until along comes a lovely girl who we both knew (a bit of a hotty too, the jammy mare).
On seeing said hotty, Shirley’s conversation stopped dead in its tracks midflow and he literally turned away from me and walked over to the hotty in the opposite direction. No “please excuse me” or “I’ll see you later”, it was a complete about turn, as if he had been hypnotised by her to the extent that he entirely forgot his manners. Deirdre witnessed this and was also agog. Just to clarify, I didn’t have the hots for Shirley and was already with Stavros at this point in time.
That day the phrase “to shirley” was born, which means to walk away from someone mid conversation in favour of someone/something far more interesting. The experience of the less interesting person is that of having “been shirlied”.
Sicklone (noun): A cyclone of vomit.
*This isn’t true at all. It was just an ordinary blue biro.
**Again, not true. Probably just in biro.