John Howard: Sexist But Not Homophobic

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August 27, 2013 by kitcac

My dear chum John Howard recently wrote to the Knutsford Guardian bemoaning pesky women drivers, all very tongue in cheek of course because in fact John Howard is a woman, ie me.

To redeem himself, John wrote to the Bolton News in response to a misinformed homophobic rant.

I won’t give the rant oxygen by repeating it here, but it talked of the legalisation of gay marriage being ungodly (that’s not a very Christian attitude) and it is going to open a can of worms and of course when the writer of the letter was in the armed forces he saw some special films about The Clap and how you could get it by being in love with someone of the same sex. And other such nonsense.

Dear Bolton News,

Cans of worms are very serious indeed. No-one in their right mind would want to open them, they’re all slimy and squiggly.  My wife Pat has a fear of worms and this means she can’t open up the lid of our compost bin without coming over all aflutter.

Even so, I fail to grasp how the marriage of two loving individuals will create a pandemic of sex-warts, but I wondered if you’d be able to tell me whether I can download these “special films” that you used to watch with large groups of men in uniform?  I’m keen to learn more.

Yours, John Howard.

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