Knutsford Women: Stay Off The Roads


May 8, 2013 by kitcac

Mr Clarke wrote a letter to the Knutsford Guardian which led to a development in the life of John Howard.  Turns out, John Howard’s a bit of a git.

Mr Clarke, who is either a prankster or a lonely statistician, wrote the following letter to the KG:

THE Guardian, April 24, call the road works an “unmitigated disaster” but fail to identify the real problem, which is that the number of female motorists has risen exponentially in Britain and in Knutsford particularly.

Nearly 68 per cent of the traffic in Knutsford is generated by females. While many have a genuine business reason to be driving, I would bet that over half of them are running silly errands.

So, my solution to the traffic problems in Knutsford is to say to women ‘keep off the roads’ especially at peak times and leave the really congested roads clear for those of us who have more important business.

John Howard was also outraged about those pesky wimmins.

He replied online:

I wholeheartedly agree with the sentiments expressed by Mr Clarke regarding women drivers. In fact, I ensure that my wife of ten years, Patricia, does not have access to car keys between the hours of 8am and 9am and also 5pm to 6pm so as to prevent gridlock on the streets of Knutsford.

This sometimes means that she can’t go to the shops to buy feminine products or my favourite kippers for my breakfast, which she cooks whilst wearing a pinny and singing Doris Day songs.


2 thoughts on “Knutsford Women: Stay Off The Roads

  1. kitcac says:

    Ooh the Knutsford Guardian comments section has gone crazy. Well, its had a few outraged wimmins on it.

    Turtle2 made this strange suggestion:

    “With Knutsford having so many Italian style buildings and restaurants, lets go for the Italian approach and ban drivers from the town centre unless you get written permission off the mayor”

    John Howard was agog at this suggestion.

    “The Italian approach would end in chaos. Italy is a nation that serves potato on pizza. They should be removed from the EU. They drive on the wrong side of the road and I once saw an Italian drive through fire! Sheer madness!”

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