Stop Drooling And Spell For Me!

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April 13, 2013 by kitcac

Today JWop went on swings for the first time. Oh my word, the squealing!

I popped him in the swing at the park in Haigh Hall, a place where I spent a great deal of time in my childhood.

I remember going to ride my bike for the first time, going on the ladybird ride with my Aussie cousins when I was four, standing at the “train station” with my Nan and Grandad watching the miniature train scoot round.

Its a place with some very special childhood memories for me. Special memories with precious people.

So I was all geared up for some more memories with my two precious boys (and Blue).

Only as I popped JWop in his swing, the arsehole pushing his kid on the next swing decided to hold Haigh Hall’s first ever Spelling Bee, just for my benefit.

What a top notch pillock he was. “Child, lets spell SAND!”

“S…A…N…D” – so a grown man loudly explained to me how to spell the word SAND as his toddler stared at him, drooling.

I attract these sorts.

Do I look like I am going to give you a pat on the back if you/your child knows letters/numbers? How do I rid myself of these idiots?! One possible option that I am exploring is having a ready made certificate on me at all times that says:

“Congratulations….[insert name of parent]
on being able to loudly tell strangers who do not care a jot
that you, a fully grown adult, can
[identify colours/animals/letters/numbers- delete as appropriate]

It would have a little red rosette image in the corner to make it look more official.

I told Stavros about my certificate plan as we walked away from the swings. He told me not to be so judgmental because he and JWop have been practising naming the inert gases in the periodic table and some rather excellent progress has been made by our 11 month old.

I am going to get a calligraphy pen for my first certificate, which I will award to my lovely Stavros for excellence in science.


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