March 7, 2013 by kitcac
Well well well. I wasn’t expecting half of this shizzle to happen. Here is a the lowdown on what happened:
1. I left the office and rang my dear chum and sang a song down the phone to her about being “hoo hoo, I’m delirously happy and I’m in a multi-storey car-ar-parrrr-ark”. People heard me. I care not a jot.
2. Beeped my horn at the mother-in-law who was walking along the street in very blustery weather. Did not offer her a lift. Standard.
3. Went on the motorway. Went fast. Nothing else to report.
4. Got to Chorley. Was disappointed that I didn’t see “Give Way Man”. This is a guy who is ALWAYS at the same junction at the same time every day. I give way to him every day. I feel that we should be friends, or at least know each other’s names. All I know is that he drives a Vauxhall Astra. And I give way to him.
By way of further information, when I give way to someone, I do it with a flourish. None of this light-flashing lark. Nay, tis not my style. I give way by doing a grand gesture with my arm and my hand must be palm up. Imagine a magician’s assistant driving a car. Tis me. Give Way Man would be able to explain it from his perspective, if only he read my blog or knew my name. Alas, he does not.
5. Saw “Androgynous Micra Driver”. Not sure whether this person is a man or a woman. It matters not. They drive a Micra, therefore I am irritated by him/her.
6. Discovered a new roundabout in Chorley. It was very frightening. These things pop up like chicken pox. Imagine driving along a road you have known for the last 30 years (ish) of your life and suddenly its different. Yes, Lyons Lane, I am talking to you!
I was driving along, ready to just do that little zoom zoom move where the Seven Stars pub is but it was all changed and scary! I actually shouted out “Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaatttttt!” as I narrowly avoided all manner of danger.
Dear Chorley Council, I was very scared by the new Lyons Lane. I want the old one back. Many thanks, KITCAC.
7. Saw a man who looked like an American.
He wasn’t one of those giant obese Americans. He looked like an extra from Sons of Anarchy. It was amazing. I drove past him very slowly to take it all in.
He had a white beard but long blond hair, like a thin, motorcyle-riding Hulk Hogan who wasn’t actually riding a motorcycle.
8. Saw a car with EYELASHES. For reals! OMG! There are people who own these things. In Chorley! Unbe-frickin-lievable!
All in all, it was a far from boring commute.