We Might Be Giants, Pink Ones

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March 3, 2013 by kitcac

Recently, I have become very frustrated with internet shopping.

I fear I may have to start going to actual shops. Shops with real life people who are dead behind the eyes and who just walk into you because they are zombiefied by commercialism (sheesh, I’m deep).

JWop is going to be turning one in a few weeks and his favourite things are shopping trolleys (loves to lick ’em) and hairdryers (loves to feel the wind in his face, then lick ’em).

I have been trying to find some things to go on his Amazon wishlist because if people ask what he might like my mind goes blank and I stare at them vacantly. And open-mouthed. And a bit cross-eyed.  Its a really glamorous look.

As a result, I’ve tried to do the legwork and find a suitable toy hairdryer for him to go on the wishlist.  I had one when I was younger, so I know they exist. Mine was a pastel pink plastic thing, about the only pink thing I have ever owned, apart from my pink roller skates which were the shizzle.

I am looking for a gender neutral hairdryer. Shouldn’t be that hard, seeing as most hairdryers are black or silver. Alas, I cannot find a non-pink hairdryer to save my life. I mean, for reals people, can we not have some realism? How many adults in real life have PINK HAIRDRYERS?!

None that I know of!

And if they aren’t entirely Barfie Pink (that is not a spelling error by the way), they have some other vom-inducing motifs on, like hearts and glitter. Come on toymakers! Be real! (I am a little annoyed, as indicated by the exclamation mark overload).

Blokes use hairdryers too don’t they? I mean, Rod Stewart and Peter Stringfellow don’t seem to me to be the sort to drip-dry their voluminous locks. Hairdryers are not just for girls. Men use them too and they are never PINK!

Eventually, after cursing a lot (“fupping pink, grrr, fup fup fupping pink” it went), I stumbled across a “kids black hairdryer” for less than £10 on Ebay. I almost clicked Buy It Now but luckily I didn’t.

Turns out, it was a little black hairdryer to go in a dolls house. So tiny that I would have needed to put it in a matchbox to giftwrap it.

And the irony is not lost on me:

1.  Kids can have tiny dolls in tiny houses and those tiny dolls can use BLACK hairdryers.
2.  But the kids who own the dolls who own the BLACK hairdryers can themselves only play with PINK hairdryers?!

Oh my life!

Then I started looking for a metal shopping trolley for JWop to push about when he starts walking, which will probably be scarily soon. I couldn’t believe the price. One I saw was £34.99!

Lets face it, I could buy a fullsize trolley for a quid!

Then I chanced upon a bargain trolley for £8.99. Clicked it, liked it, wanted to buy it. Then I clicked the second photo only to discover that it was big enough to store four pens. Four whole pens.

The world has gone mad. I don’t want to buy things that make me look like a giant. Some mad people must actually spend £9 on a tiny shopping trolley to keep pens in. These people might be the ones who dry their hair using pink hairdryers then head to the office where they keep their pens in a teeny tiny shopping trolley.

I am a giant in a very pink and very scary world.

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