50 Shades Of Kerr

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January 29, 2013 by kitcac

Breakfast TV has just got a bit saucy. Lorraine Kelly has launched a contest for viewers to submit 1000 words from their raunchy novel.

Yes, its gross. Its put me off my cornflakes thinking about all those people watching and thinking “yeah, I could put together something a bit dirty” at 8.30 in the morning. They’ve had viewers reading excerpts this week, its truly terrifying that these “authors” honestly think that they can get published with the dross they were reading.

And quite a few of them did a suggestive come hither thing with their eyebrows whilst speaking. Just yuck.

So naturally I had to give these lascivious ladies a run for their money. When I say “I”, obviously I mean John Howard.

I can’t say too much due to the competition rules but I have allowed three people to read it. The reviews on the back of my book (cos I gotsta win) will say:

“Amateurish”

“When I read it, people thought I was having a psychotic break” and

“This is the product of a sick mind”.

Coming soon to a WHSmith near you!

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