Milk Versus Death

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January 16, 2013 by kitcac

There are some things on British TV at the moment that, in a nutshell, should never grace our screens for the sole reason that the Americans have already done it one million times bigger.

Admittedly, there are some things that should never be messed with by an American’s fair hand, such as Kath & Kim or The Office. But lets be honest, some of it is just wicked TV that makes our efforts look like the poor relations. I have four examples for you, which I have come to me during desperate times of channel surfing.

Case One: A Program I Can’t Remember The Name Of V Dog The Bounty Hunter

There was a program on a few years ago where bailiffs went round to people’s houses to collect fines for unpaid parking tickets. On very rare occasions, the people who had got parking tickets let the bailiffs in whilst wearing dressing gowns and crying. It was sensational, oh yeah.

On the other hand, we have the American equivalent which is Dog The Bounty Hunter.

He is a man called Dog. That is epic. He has wild crazy hair that looks like what Hulk Hogan was aiming for but couldn’t quite manage. Again, epic. His wife wears clothes that make you go “Wowee” and she doesn’t care a jot. She has ‘tude. She is also epic. They have guns and look like they are going to a fancy dress party where the theme is “Kick Ass”. General overview: epic.

Of the two, Dog wins. The UK parking ticket fiasco loses.

Case Two: DIY SOS/That Sort Of Thing V Extreme Makeover Home Edition

Worthy sorts on both sides of the pond get their houses done up by TV crews. The UK homeowners get a new extension with some bubbly wallpaper and probably can’t lean on anything for a week or two because the paint is still wet.

The USA version has a demolition, a luxury holiday, hundreds of people in hard hats, complete rebuilds of houses/community centres/churches and the occasional gospel choir.  Oh and Le Ann Rimes was once on it.

Extreme Makeover wins.

Case Three: Storage Hoarders v Storage Hunters

In Storage Hoarders, the nice Scottish lady from How Clean Is Your House, Aggie, goes round to storage units and garages and makes the owners put their broken lawnmowers and collections of eggboxes on piles to take to the tip and piles to sell (on a car boot perhaps or am I creating a merger of two shows?)

In Storage Hunters, the stars of the show check out abandoned storage units and, in the one I watched, they find items like sex dolls and Nazi uniforms. Weird. But far more interesting than broken garden equipment.

Hmmm, Hunters win.

Case Four: Eddie Stobart Trucks V Ice Road Truckers

Really, do I need to explain the difference between these two shows? Oh, ok then.

The Eddie Stobart drama is mainly about whether the truck will get through a queue of traffic in central Wrexham to deliver some milk or something before 5pm. There is no real urgency because its only 1.30pm.

But they still manage to drag out the program and we’re all on the edges of our seats wondering will the milk arrive at its destination one mile away on the outskirts of Wrexham in the next 3.5 hours? It makes me go grey with fear thinking about what might happen to that milk.

Ice Road Truckers travel through blizzards on non-existent roads that just happen to be over frozen lakes that could crack at any time, plummeting the massive truck into icy water where the driver will meet a ghastly death from which there is no escape.

Wrexham milk delivery drama versus real drama of the risk of an icy death? Unless its a load of radioactive milk that’s being delivered, I think that poor Eddie is going to lose.

I won’t make a decision but instead I’ll let you decide this one. But it probably doesn’t matter which you go with. The Americans are already winning 3-0 because of the hair-dos, gospel choirs and sex dolls.

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