Is That Eli?

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December 15, 2012 by kitcac

Yes, dear Stavros, it is Eli.

Every fupping time Joe Gilgun comes on TV, my lovely Stavros pipes up “is that Eli?”

This is very curious because he was Eli in Emmerdale (according to Wikipedia) and we have never watched Emmerdale, apart from when its a special occasion and one of the characters is going to be clonked round the head with a brick. Even then, we haven’t got a clue who the characters are.

Could it be that Stavros is a secret Emmerdale addict? Could he be watching it on his iphone when he is “doing stuff” in the garage?  Its too frightening a possibility to consider. We shouldn’t have secret soap opera addictions!

Anyway, back to Eli.

When I was at school, everyone bought their uniforms from Bang Bang. The logo for Bang Bang was two rams heads. I have never understood the link between rams’ horns bang banging and school uniforms, but that is a side issue I suppose.

Anyway, I was trying on some new piece of school uniform and somehow it ended up that the changing room door came open and Joe Gilgun was stood there. I remember being embarrassed that someone from Coronation Street had seen me flustering trying to shut the door in a semi-dressed state. He probably saw bugger all and, in hindsight, its not the most embarrassing thing I’ve done in front of someone from a soap.

I once spoke to Coronation Street’s ginger car mechanic Tommy Harris on Deansgate thinking that I knew him. I actually knew him from TV, not real life. I’m such a loser.

I once tried to get back into a club in Manchester (a little worse for wear) but they refused, instead letting a soap star in instead. I think my words were “I can’t believe you’re letting Sarah Louise Platt in in front of me!”

I once shirlied Toby Mangel from Neighbours (please refer to the Glossary page for an explanation of being shirlied).

I met Guy Pearce from Neighbours. I was wearing a purple rara skirt. Loser.

Tyrone from Corrie had a lucky escape a few weeks ago when I didn’t notice him in a bar. Jammy.

And obviously there’s the changing room incident with Eli, but that was when he was in Corrie not Emmerdale.

These things tend to hide in the depths of my mind but when Stavros keeps saying “Is that Eli?” it brings every showing-myself-up-in-front-of-people-off-telly incident back.  On a bad day, it can go like this:

This Is England trailer on Film 4: “Is that Eli?”
Yes Stavros, that is Eli.

Misfits advert on E4: “Is that Eli?”
Yes Stavros, that is Eli.

Discussion about the brilliant film Chorley: Where People Go To Fight: “Was that Eli?”
Yes Stavros, that was Eli.

Advertisement for 4OD: “Is that Eli?”
Yes Stavros, that is Eli.

So I would like to categorically confirm that yes it was Eli, yes it is Eli and can you now please let it lie?!


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