Victor Oscar Tango Echo Oh No No No


November 15, 2012 by kitcac

Today saw the elections for the Police and Crime Commissioner, who will oversee the police and be paid a hefty salary to boot.

Apparently, police officers aren’t allowed to talk about it.  They can’t be seen to favour one or all or none.  So they must be unthinking and without feeling.  Just what we want in a police force: robots!  That’ll save some money!

I honestly do not want to not vote.  I won’t regurgitate the whole suffragette thing, but I appreciate living in a country where I get to vote for something, even if it might end up meaning absolutely nothing.

Like voting Lib Dem.  That meant absolutely nothing.  The two-faced swines!

But this election was a whole other type of nothingness.

There were some annoying advertisements telling me to “Victor Oscar Tango Echo”.  That was almost enough to stop me voting entirely.  It was like reverse psychology.

I was told by the TV advertisements to expect something to be delivered through my door to give more information on the candidates.  I waited in every day, staring longingly down the driveway for the postman, but nothing came through the door.  It was like waiting for a double glazing salesman.  Miserable and lonely.

I was also told by the TV advertisements to go online to find out more.  This winds me up.  What if I was not able to go online?  Do I just randomly pick a name for this police commissioner guy?  Not a single one of the candidates was called Police Commissioner Gordon, so it just wasn’t going to work out like that.

In the end, I admitted defeat and went online to research which policitian/clone I was going to vote for.

The polls have closed now, so I feel like I can comment.  I wouldn’t want to sway anyone’s vote prior to that.  I know that I am not Sarah Jessica Parker and this ain’t Obama v Romney.

Here are some of my thoughts:

Candidate A: Lib Dem

Worked for 10 years in criminal justice.  Is it just me or would this be a bit of an obvious requirement for someone overseeing the police?  As it turns out, none of the other candidates thought that this was necessary.

Priorities include:

  1. Dealing with young people.
  2. Frontline policing.
  3. Domestic violence.
  4. Drug dealing and violent crime.
  5. Not being a policitian hugging a public office.

WHAT ON EARTH?  I have read it several times over and it definitely says that there will be no hugging!

I’m relieved to hear that this prospective Police Commissioner will not be doing any hugging because there have been a lot of accusations about politicians lately and to be honest, you are just asking for trouble if you go around nuzzling your head into the necks of strangers.

Candidate B: Conservative

Mentions being from Lancashire a lot.  Almost as if its so he doesn’t forget where he’s applying for the job.

Has been a victim of crime.  Not really sure that qualifies you to be the boss of anything.

Only one priority – to cut crime.  Quite a generalisation there.  Not too much to go on.  Not really promising anything in particular.  Hmmm.

Mentions being from Lancashire again.

Then he says “You will have the chance to vote me out after three and a half years if I don’t stick to my promises”.

Whoa Nelly!  Can anyone else hear that alarm bell?!

IF I don’t stick to my promises?  So you are not too confident that you can stick to the incredibly vague promise you may or may not have made.  But not to worry People of Lancashire, I’ll get paid £85,000 per year for 3.5 years and then I’ll be off if I don’t do what I say I will.  So it’ll only cost you £297,500 if I am pants.

That’s ok then!

Candidate C: UKIP

Basically copy and paste the priorities for Candidate C, but this guy isn’t that bothered about druggies.

He’s not keen on politicians, even though I think he’s actually a politician.

He uses the phrase “enough is enough” to try to convince me to vote for him, which has the opposite effect and it means in Dragon’s Den style, I’m out.

Candidate D: Labour

Priorities – again, copy and paste from Candidate A but this one isn’t fussed about druggies either.

Talks about the last Labour government.  Hmmm, that’s a bit political.  I don’t think that the other chaps in the running would be that keen on a night out in Wetherspoons with this bloke.

His website has numbers in it instead of words, which makes me think he wants to be “down with the kids”.  I don’t like that sort of thing.  And for that reason, I’m out.

FYI: I went with the non-hugger because although I want crime to reduce, above all I do not want any form of physical contact or affection from persons holding public office.  And I think that John Howard might be writing to him, regardless of whether he wins or not.


One thought on “Victor Oscar Tango Echo Oh No No No

  1. kitcac says:

    The non-hugger lost. Candidate D won. I am unsure where he stands on the hugging thing.

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