I Want To Help Charity: Help Me Earthling!

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October 22, 2012 by kitcac

I checked my spam emails today to make sure nothing had slipped through the net and I was shocked and surprised to see that the second richest woman in the world (nay, on Planet Earth), had dropped me a quick email needing my help.

Here it is in all its hammy spammy glory (the italics are mine):

My Dearest,

Greeting to you my dear Brothers and Sisters the good people of this planet earth. (I was a bit worried initially that I was being contacted by the alien version Keanu Reeves in that film where he destroys the world, so reading on to discover I hadn’t been emailed by aliens, you’ll understand that my relief was palpable)

i am writing you this email not to disturb you but to ask for your assistant based on my personality and my present condition in life and in particular what i intend doing for CHARITY.  (I really don’t think that my assistant will be up for this.  She only works part time and enjoys playing golf, so I doubt she’ll be available).

I am Mrs. Christy Walton the 2nd Richest Woman in the world.  (How have I never heard of her before?)

i am a great citizen of United States of America, am bringing to you a proposal which i want you to assist me with, i worth $22.5 billion Dollars which rates me as the 2nd Richest Woman in the World.  (Good for her!  Jolly well done Christy!)

John William: As the going says Money is not every thing on earth  (Is he the guy who wrote the Jaws theme tune?  And what’s he got to do with it anyway?)

It is painful now to let the world now know my present condition as a cry for help,I have been suffering from a Heart disease for the pass 22years,just few weeks ago my Doctors in America just told me now that is time for me to die.  (Wowsers, that’s a bit harsh!  Any chance of a second opinion?)

my Will which is with my Lawyer which my Family is fully awhere about, but nobody have knowledge of the 40% of my savings in Bank deposit which is Worth
$9,000,000,000.  (Good spelling and grammar Christy.  I would strongly recommend that you perhaps mention this huge stash of cash to your lawyers rather than a stranger on the internet.)

John William (Again, why do you keep mentioning this random bloke?  I don’t know him!)

I intend to give to CHARITY because I have not seen anybody from my Family, Relations and Friends whom i trust that can help me out, because i always
have this DREAM to help CHARITY and i have always promise myself that i most give this amount at my end time to CHARITY (I can understand the words perfectly well without you shouting, thanks ever so much)

can i please trust you to help me give to CHARITY this enormous amount of Money because i have just 2 Months left to die, as I write to you now am full of Tears as I await my death. (What a bummer)

Please reply me back with your below details to enable us proceed further
and please keep this confidential.

NAME………………….
ADDRESSES………………
MOBILE:………………..
NUMBER………………..
OCCUPATION…………….

God Bless You.  (And God bless you too Christy)

Well dear reader, what should I do with this?  I obviously want to help CHARITY and all, but I can’t help thinking that its a little bit fishy.

I wouldn’t be surprised if it is somehow linked to that raffle for a tin of beans.

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