50 Shades of “No Way Jose”

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September 28, 2012 by kitcac

Stavros brought home a copy of 50 Shades.  That is a sentence I never thought I would type.

Its just so…..wrong.  And weird.

I made a promise to myself that I would never let my decent-book-reading-eyes be poisoned by that book.  Yes lots of people have read it and said its brilliant but seriously, just no.

I am a bit of a book snob.  I really do judge a book by its cover.

If its got pink or pastel swirly writing on the front, sorry its not for me.

If its got a cartoon drawing of a woman holding a glass of wine/shopping bag/mobile phone, sorry its not for me.

If its got “something-aholic” or a reference to shopping, fairies or cake in the title, sorry, not for me thanks.

If Tesco have a great big display of a thousand of them at the front door, with grey ties all over it, again, bye bye, I’m not reading that.

I haven’t read Harry Potter.  At the time the books came out, 50% of commuters on my train who were reading books would be reading Harry Potter.  Can you imagine the horror if, god forbid, a stranger on my train started A CONVERSATION with me because we were both reading the same thing?  Oh the horror!  I don’t want any excuse for people on trains to think I might be someone to speak to.

So I stick to things that other people are not really likely to be reading.  Ones that aren’t usually in the chart section of Tesco basically.

Recently, someone asked me what book I was reading.  The answer was “Kazuo Ishiguro’s last novel.  Its about cloning”.  Result – end of conversation.  Yay!

Back to 50 Shades.

Its more than disturbing when friends of your parents say that they’ve read it.  I don’t want to ever think about that.

I told Stavros that there was no way on God’s earth that I would read 50 Shades.  He had been given it by someone at work (inappropriate much?)

When I said I would never read it he said “OK, I’ll read it then and let you know what its like”

Through the laughter, I managed to say “Right, so you’re going to read some bad porn to review for me are you?”

“Its not that bad is it?”

I replied “Errr, Stavros, its a load of S&M”

“S&M?  Really”.  He looked a bit confused.  He was clearly oblivious to the whole spanky thing in the book.

“Yes Stav, S&M as in Sado-masochism”.

Then he explained what he thought it was about.

Apparently he “thought it was a modern day Lady Chatterley’s Lover.  Not gimp masks and barbed wire on willies.”

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