“Pedestrian” is A Four Letter Word

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September 23, 2012 by kitcac

Oh for the love of all that is holy, would you please get out of my way?!

I am seriously consdidering writing to my MP to ask that a bill be put before Parliament requiring all pedestrians to wear helmets.

The helmets would look like this:

As you can see, they have a built-in brake light and indicators.  They also cleverly protect the wearer’s head from blows when the wearer is the victim of a pedestrian-rage attack.

I have yet to patent my design, so please don’t go on Dragon’s Den with it.  I will recognise it if you do.

The helmet could be worn to warn other pavement users of sudden stopping and unexpected sideways movements.  The elderly and those with small children are my target markets.

In the meantime, I have some tips for pedestrians to prevent walk-rage:

1.  If you are not walking with a young child or an old person, there is no need to hold hands.

2.  If you are a grown up, you can and should be able to walk in single file on footpaths to let people pass in the opposite direction.

3.  Unless you are taking part in a carnival or a military demonstration, there is no reason why four adults have to walk side by side in perfect step.

4.  If you are window shopping, walk closer to the windows.  This way, you don’t need to cut in front of other pavement users in a diagonal direction, causing a domino effect of pedestrians behind you falling over.

5.  If you are intending to stop or even turn around 180 degrees, please slow down gradually as this indicates your intention to screw up someone else’s journey.  Sudden stopping could cause the people behind you to die from rage.  Read a medical book because “death from rage” is in there.

6.  If you see someone in a wheelchair or with a pram or with a white stick (or any variation of the three) then please be courteous.  Don’t refuse to move over and force them into the road.  That is just plain rude.

7.  If you are drunk, have wet yourself and are swaying all over the show, please wear brightly coloured clothing so that I can effectively locate you on the video of you which I have recorded on my mobile.  Its just a simple matter of courtesy.

Hope that helps for now.

I will post an update of stockists of the Ped-Helmet once the patents are finalised.

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