September 3, 2012 by kitcac
I can’t listen to the news about the impending cabinet reshuffle without imagining David Cameron bopping to LMFAO’s Party Rock Anthem.
I’d love to see him dressed in a sparkly tracksuit and wearing over-sized specs. He’d have a lovely big Afro.
I’d really love an Afro. I have those annoying bits of hair that primary school age kids have that won’t go back into a ponytail. And nothing any hairdresser does will ever incorporate them into a hairstyle.
Anyway, back to the point – David Cameron is going to be cabinet shufflin’.
He’ll be flipping on to his back and George Osborne would be the one with the cardboard box on his head clapping along as Michael Gove stands next to him wearing a shiny gold vest-top and a big long medallion and some leopard print harem pants. They’d all be swaying away as Baroness Warsi takes her turn in the middle of the circle to show off her sweet moves, which would include some very fast and impressive spins. She might even do that thing where people crouch down really low and then kick out their legs. Wowsers.
Every day I’m shufflin. Shuf-fuffle-lin.
Just to warn them all though, you can seriously hurt yourself shuf-fuffle-lin, especially if you are 37 weeks pregnant. Even if, like me, you find yourself to be very agile at 37 weeks pregnant. I think that it was after the shuf-fuffle-lin that my feet swelled up like a baby elephant’s.
When JWop was born, I was adamant that I would read to him every day. In hospital, I read the Daily Mail to him (call Social Services, its abuse, I know!)
One article of particular interest was discussing how Theresa May’s people had potentially got the dates wrong on Abu Qatada’s court papers. I explained to JWop that Mrs May had been very silly and had not been sure about her adding up and that everyone was going to be very cross with her if the naughty chap didn’t get told off/sent away/something like that – there was a lot of medication involved on my part.
Since then, JWop has been very interested in the Home Secretary (not really) and he particularly enjoyed (not really) the story I told him about how lots of people went on holiday and got in a great big queue to have the man or lady in the big glass box look at their photographs but some of the men and ladies had been told not to bother so everyone was very cross that no-one wanted to look at their photographs.
Jackanory has got nothing on my stories. I am available for children’s parties and storytime at libraries within a 5 mile radius.