So Chardonnay, Tell Me About Yourself…

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August 20, 2012 by kitcac

I am very interested in what happens in this room when people come round to visit.

Picture 2

Is the visitor forced to sit in the Mastermind chair whilst being grilled?  I think that this is something I will adopt when JWop brings home his first girlfriend/boyfriend (who knows, but we will call the prospective in law Chardonnay for ease of reference).

It will go a bit like this:

Me:  So Chardonnay, take a seat (I am glaring intently).

Chardonnay goes to sit on the sofa.

Me:  No, not on the sofa.  You sit in the corner.  (points to Mastermind chair with spotlight shining on it).

Chardonnay sits.  The leather on the chair makes a fart noise.  No one laughs because I am still glaring.

Me:  So Chardonnay, what are your intentions with JWop?  (glares at Chardonnay who is starting to sweat).

Chardonnay:  Well, erm, like, erm, we was just gonna go to the cinema (I expect no one will call it “the pictures” in the 2030s).

Me:  And what were you going to see?

Chardonnay:  We was gonna watch Step Up 72.

Me:  Ah yes, I remember Step Up 1, 2, 3 and 4.  (recalls them fondly with a wistful look but then goes back to glaring).

Chardonnay by now is a puddle of sweat.

Me:  Chardonnay, you are sweating profusely on my leather chair.  Don’t you realise I have had that chair for nearly 20 years?  I got it from Dunelm Mill.  Its a design classic.

Chardonnay:  I’m, like, erm, really sorry like but its proper hot under this light.

Me:  Get out (points to door, Chardonnay pegs it).

Ahhhhh, I can’t wait!

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