June 30, 2012 by kitcac
Wowsers trousers, I’m blogging! Blog off you big blogging blogger!
People who read my facebook posts have been saying “you should do a blog/start work on a book/do stand up/write an angry letter to a local newspaper with a circulation of around 3000 people” for ayyyyyyges now.
I think that this is their way of doing a bit of ego-stroking or faff-flattery, or maybe they just want to say a bit more than “LOL” when commenting on my facebook status.
Ah well, whatever the reasons, I’ve listened to them and managed to navigate my way around google to find a way to blog. I’m going to aim to do 6 things when blogging:
1. Laugh at myself and the bizarre things that happen to me, or the random things that pop into my head (there’s a lot of popping going on).
2. Say a few bits and bobs about world events or stuff going on in the newspapers (you’ll see that my local rag reports crimes so heinous you’d visualise Hell’s Kitchen in the late 1960s, with mafia man, gangsters, yada yada. You know, stuff like packets of biscuits being shoplifted or cars being scratched between specifically the hours of 1am and 9.15am. Its mean on these streets).
3. Say as little as possible about work. You’ve probably got a job of your own to moan about or are looking for a job to moan about, so you don’t want to hear me moaning about it too. That would mean a lot of Minnie Moaners.
4. Say a bit about my family and my chums. They’re a jolly good bunch.
5. Not swear. OK, so I swear in real life A LOT. I make big burly men blush. But I don’t swear on my facebook status (for fear of horrifying some of the more dignified relatives I am friends with) and so I will endeavour not to swear here. Surprisingly, despite my self-imposed online swear ban, a lot of people have suggested that I am potty-mouthed on facebook, which just isn’t the case. So somehow I have managed to give the impression that I swear horrendously without actually swearing. I must give out some whopping F-Bomb vibes!
6. Use the correct spellings. I won a prize for spelling two years in a row at primary school. Somewhere out there, perhaps in an attic or on a car boot sale near you is a shield-shaped piece of metal with my name engraved on it, mounted on a shield-shaped piece of wood with a little plastic leg on the back of it which isn’t strong enough to support the afore-mentioned shield-shaped wood and metal, thereby causing it to need to be laid down so that no-one can actually see my name on it. Its mind-blowing to think about the mark I’ve made on the world of spelling. It’s just epic.